A Foot in the door
Every little girl has a dream for when she grows up, some want to be a princess some a teacher and some a firefighter or police woman.
I was one of these little girls. Dressed in pink and lace, my parents would watch me, their little princess doing very un-princess like things. Running around bare foot on the grass, catching frogs, not to kiss them hoping they would turn into a prince, but to look at them; intensely study their morphology; their behaviour and to talk to them to gain a better understanding of why they were trying to get away from me. I knew what I wanted to be. It wasn't a princess; it was a wild woman.
As a toddler I already knew my purpose and passion was to be out in the wild, in the African Bush. To be scorched by the southern sun and glow in its glory. I knew I wanted to understand these tiny creatures around me and constantly be surrounded by them and their magic. I knew what I wanted to be was their guardian, their protector. I wanted to become a conservationist.
I grew up barefoot with a book in the hand, reading encyclopedias and dictionaries to ensure I have a full understanding of everything my teachers were teaching me. Working hard at school to guarantee my acceptance to the best Nature Conservation University in the country. I succeeded and was instantly accepted and could barely contain my excitement! I had already purchased all my required textbooks throughout the years and studied them in detail. I wanted to be the best conservationist I could be.
Second year University. In the top of my class, tragedy strikes. My family splits and a psychological warfare issues. My sister, yet to finish High school faces the possibility of being unable to do so; my brother in the final year of his degree falls into a deep depression. Finances are drained by the ongoing battle and I had to make a decision.
I chose to give my family the opportunity to rebuild, each in their own space. I chose to give up my studies in order for finances to be freed up and my siblings to focus on their education. It was the hardest decision I had ever made, It was the best decision I could have made. My brother is now a successful Physiotherapist and my sister an Amazing Graphic designer. My father has moved on and is able to live his life and still put food on the table. My mother has done the same. They are happy. They are OK.
I opted to start working in an attempt to save and pay for my studies myself.
Eight years later, I'm still working.
After some time the reality dawned on me, that in this beautiful country I live in, there are things which are not so beautiful. The corruption; the debilitating cost of living, the Junk Status South African economy. All these things working against the little guy, the girl with a dream.
I had fallen into a depression, a difficult feat when you are surrounded by the beautiful Soutpansberg and Blouberg Mountains, birds singing all around you, the fresh breeze caressing your cheek. However, it was true. Depression had sunk its claws into me and started to rip at my soul, playing with my mind predicting imminent and constant failure and that I would never be happy, never have that piece of paper with my name in script beneath the title Conservationist. Everything seemed lost.
This has been my dream and passion since I was a little girl. Left dangling in-front of me ever out of reach.
Many dark nights went by, hours crying and praying for my time to come, for the opportunity to just get my foot in the door. One night laying in my single bed, my furkids keeping me warm and the milky-way lighting the sky, I thought back to that little girl in her pink Sunday dress, running barefoot in the grass catching frogs. That little girl deserved to live, to live the life she dreamt of when staring at the sunlight flickering through the leaves of the trees and she spoke to butterflies fluttering by.
The very next day I started to make my move, to hoe my fields while I pray for rain if you will. I was setting things in place. I contacted universities, spoke to farm owners hoping someone may be able and willing to offer a scholarship in exchange for years of loyal and professional service. I started a crowd funding page hoping loving and caring strangers may see and share in my passion and get me started on the road to a happy future. I contacted the bank and attempted to get a loan, each time unsuccessful. I would not give up, I would not let go and let that little girl vanish into the abyss of an unforgiving world.
It has been 3 years since I got my foot in the door and it is finally beginning to open!
Please follow me on twitter and Instagram via the links below to see the world from my perspective, with a foot in the door.
https://twitter.com/BiancaBothab211
https://www.instagram.com/aconservationistsjourney/
Read my scholarship articles for The WOMA at the links below:
The WOMA Scholarship : Conservationista by Bianca Botha
To visit or donate to my crowdfunding page please follow the link below! Thank you for your support!
US, UK and South Africa:
Back-a-Buddy Conservation study fund
I was one of these little girls. Dressed in pink and lace, my parents would watch me, their little princess doing very un-princess like things. Running around bare foot on the grass, catching frogs, not to kiss them hoping they would turn into a prince, but to look at them; intensely study their morphology; their behaviour and to talk to them to gain a better understanding of why they were trying to get away from me. I knew what I wanted to be. It wasn't a princess; it was a wild woman.
As a toddler I already knew my purpose and passion was to be out in the wild, in the African Bush. To be scorched by the southern sun and glow in its glory. I knew I wanted to understand these tiny creatures around me and constantly be surrounded by them and their magic. I knew what I wanted to be was their guardian, their protector. I wanted to become a conservationist.
I grew up barefoot with a book in the hand, reading encyclopedias and dictionaries to ensure I have a full understanding of everything my teachers were teaching me. Working hard at school to guarantee my acceptance to the best Nature Conservation University in the country. I succeeded and was instantly accepted and could barely contain my excitement! I had already purchased all my required textbooks throughout the years and studied them in detail. I wanted to be the best conservationist I could be.
Second year University. In the top of my class, tragedy strikes. My family splits and a psychological warfare issues. My sister, yet to finish High school faces the possibility of being unable to do so; my brother in the final year of his degree falls into a deep depression. Finances are drained by the ongoing battle and I had to make a decision.
I chose to give my family the opportunity to rebuild, each in their own space. I chose to give up my studies in order for finances to be freed up and my siblings to focus on their education. It was the hardest decision I had ever made, It was the best decision I could have made. My brother is now a successful Physiotherapist and my sister an Amazing Graphic designer. My father has moved on and is able to live his life and still put food on the table. My mother has done the same. They are happy. They are OK.
I opted to start working in an attempt to save and pay for my studies myself.
Eight years later, I'm still working.
After some time the reality dawned on me, that in this beautiful country I live in, there are things which are not so beautiful. The corruption; the debilitating cost of living, the Junk Status South African economy. All these things working against the little guy, the girl with a dream.
I had fallen into a depression, a difficult feat when you are surrounded by the beautiful Soutpansberg and Blouberg Mountains, birds singing all around you, the fresh breeze caressing your cheek. However, it was true. Depression had sunk its claws into me and started to rip at my soul, playing with my mind predicting imminent and constant failure and that I would never be happy, never have that piece of paper with my name in script beneath the title Conservationist. Everything seemed lost.
This has been my dream and passion since I was a little girl. Left dangling in-front of me ever out of reach.
Many dark nights went by, hours crying and praying for my time to come, for the opportunity to just get my foot in the door. One night laying in my single bed, my furkids keeping me warm and the milky-way lighting the sky, I thought back to that little girl in her pink Sunday dress, running barefoot in the grass catching frogs. That little girl deserved to live, to live the life she dreamt of when staring at the sunlight flickering through the leaves of the trees and she spoke to butterflies fluttering by.
The very next day I started to make my move, to hoe my fields while I pray for rain if you will. I was setting things in place. I contacted universities, spoke to farm owners hoping someone may be able and willing to offer a scholarship in exchange for years of loyal and professional service. I started a crowd funding page hoping loving and caring strangers may see and share in my passion and get me started on the road to a happy future. I contacted the bank and attempted to get a loan, each time unsuccessful. I would not give up, I would not let go and let that little girl vanish into the abyss of an unforgiving world.
It has been 3 years since I got my foot in the door and it is finally beginning to open!
https://twitter.com/BiancaBothab211
https://www.instagram.com/aconservationistsjourney/
Read my scholarship articles for The WOMA at the links below:
The WOMA Scholarship : Conservationista by Bianca Botha
To visit or donate to my crowdfunding page please follow the link below! Thank you for your support!
US, UK and South Africa:
Back-a-Buddy Conservation study fund
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